Saturday, 23 February 2008

A bit of Miles Davis

Has it been a smooth journey? Well, I can't fault the airline (Quantas) who have provided three flights all roughly on time. However I think someone is having a bit of a cruel joke at my expense. Here goes; a couple of days ago I played 7-a-side footy in Leeds - all well and good but for the fact I was wearing a new pair of astroturf trainers, after the match I had a couple of neat holes in my plates of meat, one on each heel. My footwear of choice on this journey are my hiking boots which dig into my ankles deeper than an Alabama tick. The upshot is that I can hardly walk and my ankle have swollen up approaching Elephantitis proportions. To this end I think a tramping (NZ speak for hiking/rambling) may be a little ambitions at present. Coupled with the fact I can't walk, is th fact that I happen to have caught what can only pleasantly described as a gastro-intenstinal-tract (GIT) problem that my nephew and niece had generously shared around the whole Lewis clan. So I've been sat on three different planes and in three different departure lounges with my stomach sounding like a demented washing machine on spin cycle. So, I can't walk and I can't sit still for more than two minutes without having to bolt for the loo. Life can be cruel at times, even more so because on all three flights I didn't even have the luxury of an isle seat, much to the irritation of my fellow passengers. Anyway, after getting over the embarrassment of appearing like a toilet addict to a jumbo jet full of onlookers, I began to find some amusement in my predicament. The symptoms of the GIT had been relayed to me by previous familial incumbents so I knew what to expect and true to form I was not disappointed by the cacophony of noise that I was able to produce, the old arse-trumpet was on fine form, the virtuosity of which reached a crescendo that Miles Davis on speed would have been proud of. I'm not really a connoisseur of such matters but you have to find the funny side when your backside is managing to out-rowdy four Rolls Royce's jet engines with consummate ease.

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